Revealed: Paul of P-Square talks about his girlfriend

Paul Okoye of P-Square otherwise known as Rude Boy bared his mind on the woman in his life.
My girlfriend name is Anita, she just graduated, she works in an oil company now.
I started dating her when I was nobody and today, she has become part of me. She is my best friend and I am not seeing her as my girlfriend because she is more than than.
If it were somebody I met now that my career is blooming, I am sure we would have been having problems. But she is somebody who doesn’t bother about who I am. She has this believe of do your own thing and let me do mine.
She is a nice person even though every woman has her fault. She is in fact the best thing and the worst thing.
When I say best, she is the best thing that makes me happy but she is also the only thing that makes me sad. Whenever she does something that hurts, it will hurt me the more.If we both have a quarrel, the pain is worse.
Na she dey sweet pass and at the same time,na she dey pain pass.
Asked,why don’t you make her known to the public now to put an end to the speculations about your love status;he said 'No.I am not going to do that. Let me tell you the reason,relationship break-up for celebrities is because of much talk and it leads to another thing and before you know it,it gets into the media.Doing that will definitely destroy a lot of things in the relationship.That is why I can’t do that.
Let me tell you the truth,I can’t give you her picture...............

 http://www.nerduwrites.com

I Shot Two Brides And A Baby Before Mercy Johnson’s Wedding Saga – Blessing Effiong Egbe

There is no doubt that there have been dustsraised by a movie most people have still not believed has nothing to do or has any link with Mercy Johnson’s pre marriage saga.
Tongues have wagged, stories have been written about this film, which has yet to be premiered or seen by the public.
The centre of the controversy is the resemblance the film titled Two Brides And ABaby has with Nollywood actress, Mercy Johnson’s pre wedding wahala earlier this year between the months of June and July before her eventual wedding in August 27.
Mercy Johnson had before her wedding to Prince Odi Okojie on August 27 this year hadissues with a woman (Lovelyn Okojie), who claimed to still be legally married to price Okojie. She came up with two children she alleged to have been the products of her marriage with the Prince, Mercy’s husband.
Though, this development almost threatenedthe marriage between Mercy and Prince Odi, but it finally took place.
No sooner had this Mercy Johnson’s marriage brouhaha had settled down than the movie, Two Brides And A Baby became a public issue.
While some speculated in some quarters thatTwo Brides And A Baby was the exact story of Mercy Johnson done in a movie by Blessing Egbe, who happens to be the producer of the much talked about movie, others believe that it could have just been a coincidence.
Nevertheless, in all of these, Blessing told nigeriafilms.comthat, “We shot the movie in March 2011; we put out the behind the scene props on YouTube in April 2011. I conceived it a year before shooting it and it was scripted and copyrighted long before we shot it.”
Speaking further, this ex top model and actress turned producer said, I felt upset, because it was almost taking away the fact that I created the story of Two Brides And A Baby. It was being interpreted that I waited for her issue (Mercy’s) to happen and then copy it into a movie. But for me, I think it is good and bad. It just goes to show that I write about everyday happenings”
The movie is set to premiere on November 17, while it is expected to start showing at the cinemas from November 25. Blessing said that by the time they finally see the movie at the cinemas; they will see the true story of the film................
Written By Osaremen James Ehi

Proven Ways To Make Money Online In Nigeria - Blogging

This post is basically for my readers in Nigeria, but readers from other countries can also read, too, provided you can bear that none of the ways of making money online mentioned here involves payment with PayPal or Clickbank, both of which are not available in Nigeria.
That said, let’s begin. The information I’m about to share with you is sold on several websites for tens of dollars, but I’m going to give it to you for free, reason being that I received it free. Yes, I received it free, from a patriotic Nigerian’s website, though I can’t remember his name again. You can make money in Nigeria by
Blogging
You guessed it right. That’s basically what I’m doing right now. Blogging is a way of communicating with the outside world through articles (called posts) which tou post on the internet. Formally, blogging was associated with wanna be journalists/reporters who did not get into universities, secure well-paid jobs (whether regular or freelance), or could not be on the field for one reason or the other. But today, blogging has become so popular that even people who have failed in their English exams (no offense) want to blog, and the good thing about blogging is that you get to receive traffic immediately, that is , if you do it right. Making money from blogging involves very little time on your side. Take me for example: I laze around all day, and whenever I feel like, I log in to my Blogger account, post a thing or two, and sleep off. I appreciate you taking me for a role model, but blogging will be much more enjoyable for you if you do things your own way. Like you may prefer to update your blog twice daily, every day, twice or thrice a week, weekly, or maybe even monthly, depending on how badly you want the money.
Passion, Passion, Passion
The number one secret for success in blogging is having the passion to blog, not just for the money. You can always make your money without the passion, but note that Google is now clamping down on MFA (Made for Adsense) blogs, and won’t hesitate to close down your Blogger account, FOREVER. I started this blog, initially for the money, but as time went on, I realized blogging has become a part of me and for a week or so, I didn’t even remember to check my Today’s Earnings Tab. So you can get there, it’s not that hard.
Choosing a Niche
Second thing is to choose your niche carefully. A niche is actually the broad group which encompasses what you blog about. For instance, if you want to blog about celebs, your chosen niche is entertainment (music, movies, etc). Your chosen niche helps to determine how much traffic you receive. Main thing about choosing a niche is to pick out a topic you find very easy to write about. If you have any problems choosing a niche, just email me at omenadollar@live.com. I’ll be just too glad to help.
Content of Your Blog
Third and Most Important Factor is the content of your blog. What I mean by content is actually what exactly you post on your blog. You can type your posts directly on your system, or write it out and give it to a typist to type for you, but the catch is that once you start typing it yourself, you won’t feel like leaving it for another person to type. BUT if a typist starts typing for you, you’ll get too lazy to type it yourself later on. But if you think you can handle the money (the money too large we dash gonn, lol), well, the choice is yours.
Monetizing Your Blog
This is my favorite part, actually. Google Adsense is what I recommend if you for you as a beginner. Why? Cos it’s so easy to set up. Just fill a few forms, and your account is set up. Try to improve your blog, make sure it is up and running smoothly before you apply for Adsense, if not, they will reject your application. I know, cos I’ve been there. You can always reapply if you are rejected (i.e. after you make the corrections you are told to make in the rejection letter) just like I did. When people click on the ads that appear on your blog, you make your money, and everybody is happy. Of course, you can see the ads on this site. The money is not much initially, but after a time, when people get to know more about your blog, the amount rises. Presently, I make an average of $8 daily, and this blog is not even a week old as at the time of this post. Google pays you every month, on the 15th or 16th through cheques. You’ll have to have a domiciliary account with a notable bank, and an address that can be reached by DHL, otherwise the cheque won’t reach you.
Start Blogging
I think I’ve given out enough information for a freebie. You can now start blogging, but remember me in your paradise when the time comes. As a beginner, you can start with Blogger, as it is the simplest to use. Check my other articles on other ways you can make money anywhere in the world. Place your comments below if you like/hate what you read, or send me an email at omenadollar@live.com.

Get Free Blog Traffic: 5 Proven Steps To Get Massive Traffic For Your Blog/Website

Before the main article begins, let me tell you about this site I came across. They're about making money online, and they're very good. Click on the link above to see for yourself. But before then... I came across an interesting article the other day on a websitevery well known for providing Blogging tips to beginners. The article discussed Getting Free traffic to your website . I followedsome of the ideas this post mentioned and notice a gain in traffic immediately.
Here are a few of the ways you can get free traffic to your blog. Some are new ways some are from the article above, but i’m focusing on the ones which make the most sense to me in order to increase traffic to your blog or website.
Technorati Tags
While this may not get you loads of traffic you will over time be able to increase your authority. I tagged almost every keyword in many of my recent posts. This can be done manually but after learning about SimpleTags – wordpress plugin, as the other post mentions it makes the adding of tags a lot easier.
Article Submission.
Try and publicise your content as much as you can, so that others know about your website and content from other sources. EzineArticles is a great place to start with your article submissions. After you have prepared your article for submission, put a link back to your website and mention that you are interested in hearing from your readers and to providecomments and/or feed back on your blog. Blogging
You own a blog. You want traffic to your blog. Go and find similar blogs in your niche and start bloggin’. What i normally do is write a useful comment on other blogs around the same target market and provide a link back tomy website with a related blog post and/or related content. This can work really well provided youare providing useful comments and of course useful content, after all you would like quality traffic, you want people to potentially return to your websitefor further education or readings.
Digg.com
Digg.comis one of the biggest social bookmarking websites on the internet. If you write an interesting article and wish to share it on the internet to a large audience, sign up and submit your article address to Digg.com.
You can also easily add a “submitto digg” button on the bottom ofyour blog posts, as you can see atthe bottom of this post. This enables your users to submit your article to the Digg network and if it has already been submitted to the network to be able to digg it (Cast a vote). Keyword Research
When you create a blog post for your blog, in order to get the levels of traffic you want to get you must optimize your page to target specific keywords. This post about Increasing Internet traffic to your blog or website discusses this very good and valuable concept and hence the extended explaination here. Using Keyword Research Tools will allow you to find out which phrases and keywords people are typing in to specific search engines to get the results they want to get. This helps you out because you can soon determine a) which phrases and keywords will get the you most visitors and b) where the competition is at. You then you want to optimize your website for this. See the image below to see a screen shotof the Aaron Wall’s Keyword Suggestion tool , on SEO Book.
Don’t get me wrong here, i dont think that the term ‘iphone’ is a good idea to target firstly, peoplelooking for iphone, are more than looking for either a place to buy one or the website of Apple and secondly beacuse there would be far too much competition for this keyword. Unless you have a highly ranked authority website, you probably wont be in the first 5 – 10 pages of the SERPS (Search engine resultpages). You would be better off in this case looking for the smaller competition and dominating those terms before trying to attack the bigger terms and competition. Using this tool to research your keywords for your pages in your blog will enable you to get more targeted traffic to your website, and target the keywords people are searching with.
I do hope this article has been in getting you more free blog traffic. Please feel free to leave your comments and feedback.
{Culled from Digistore.com}

Get A Free Domain Name - How To Make Money Trading Domain Names

Domain name trading is the simple process of buying a domain name and then selling it for more money – so what exactly is website flipping all about?
If you’d prefer something a little more challenging (and potentially a lot more profitable) then website flipping might just be for you. It’s a longer process but the time you invest in this particular activity can net you a lot of cash. And there is more than one way of doing it as well, as you’re about to find out.
There is an ever growing band of people who have figured out that flipping websites is a great way to build up skills, knowledge and an impressive income at the same time.
The basic idea starts with you looking for a topic which does well online. Once you have a successful website on that topic (which you’ll do in one of the following two ways) you can offer it for sale to someone else.
The first way to do this is to start from scratch by selecting a domain name, building a website around it and building it up until it gets a good amount of traffic and interest from people who are into that subject. This can take some time as you will need to get the site indexed in Google before you can take advantage of the amount of search engine traffic that can come your way.
The idea is to build a site that has real money making potential, as well as being able to generate a good volume of traffic. You can do this by integrating elements such as Google Adsense, affiliate links and paid advertising into the site – and in some cases, paid memberships as well.
The second route to follow is easier – but it requires a little bit more research on your part. If the idea of building a site from scratch doesn’t appeal to you but you still want to sell websites for profit then this method should be the one to try. The trick is to look for a website that someone has built which is getting a reasonable amount of traffic. Keyword research will reveal those subject areas and keywords which are perennially popular online, and it is these kinds of websites you should be looking for – something that will always be pulling in traffic.
The fact is that you cannot simply pick a great domain name and stick a few articles and affiliate links on a website and expect it to make money. It takes time and effort, and that’s why websites which have the potential to do really well end up failing. It’s not so much the site as the owner in many cases.
So if you make a reasonable offer to that owner for their website, the chances are good that they will be only too pleased to get shot of the site. And that gives you the chance to get in there and really develop it in order to build on the traffic and potential it already has.
After a few months – when you are earning a dollar or more every day from your website – you can think about selling it. There are a number of websites and forums that have sections for flipping websites to other people, and depending on the profits you are making and the traffic you are getting you could make anything between a few hundred dollars to a few thousand dollars by flipping just one site.
And once you’ve done that and no doubt learned a lot from the experience, it’s a case of ‘rinse and repeat!’ There is no limit to the number of websites you can flip at any one time, although don’t forget you need a few months to go by before you make your first sale since you need your websites to develop before you can flip them. Once you get the ball rolling though you can expect to be selling one or more every week.
But before you become a ‘pro flipper’ for a living, why not leave me a comment in the box below? Then all you need to do is start scouting round for your very first flippable website!
Of course, getting a free domain name. Getting a free domain name is easy these days, but bear in mind that it will not be a .com, .net, or .org domain, but a domain name nonetheless. The sites listed below give you a free domain name, yes, free of charge.
www.dot.tk
www.co.cc
www.co.nr
Find the others yourself!

How To Make Money Writing Articles Or Web Content For Companies

What is the one thing that everyone is looking for when they go online? You’ve got it – information. And if you can supply it in all kinds of shapes and forms then you will be paid for doing so, which could lead to a whole new career as a web writer.
Of course it isn’t just online markets that need content; there are hundreds of other markets you could break into as well, including magazines, but overall it is the internet which offers the best opportunities, especially for the beginning writer.
So why should you start online when you want to earn money writing? The reason is simple – it isn’t just editors that need your work. Website owners, people with newsletters that need writing and countless others all have writing jobs that they can’t or won’t do or don’t have the time to do themselves.
That generally sends them scurrying to websites like Elance and Get A Freelancer to find people who will write the articles and content they need for them. There are plus points and negative points to writing for the internet; you won’t often see your work published under your own name as you will usually be ghostwriting it for someone else, but you will get a lot of work since jobs quite often come in batches. You won’t often get just a single article to write for instance – you might get a half dozen, ten, twenty or even more, so the money can soon mount up.
The best places for finding work are the aforementioned sites, but you should also look on classified ad sites such as Craigslist for jobs in your own country and in other places around the world. There are also plenty of writing related websites that can easily be found via the search engines if you look for ‘online writing jobs’ or something similar. Don’t forget blogging jobs as well; if you have your own blog then you already have experience in blogging, so apply for as many as you can. Ongoing blogging jobs are great for bringing in a regular stream of income.
Getting started and building contacts is the hardest part. Go for jobs you feel confident in doing to begin with; after a while you will pick up speed and complete them faster and much more easily. You will soon learn to juggle your work as well in order to meet all your deadlines before they fall due – this is an essential skill you will need to develop in order to position yourself as one of the best in the business.
You could also work for a ghostwriting team if you prefer; these can also be found via the search engines and a simple email should reveal whether they are accepting new writers at any time. This can make life easier since you don’t have to go looking for work all the time – it is generally supplied by the team leader, depending on how that particular team works.
But can you really make a full time income by doing this? The answer is yes you can, but speed and quality are of the essence. If you produce good work then people will naturally come back to you for more of the same. They will also pay more for work of a better standard, so make sure you don’t put yourself down with the $2 an article crowd.
It will take time to build up enough work to be able to leave your current job and start a brand new career as a web writer, but there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to do this if you persevere and keep checking the classified ad sites and job boards every single day. Don’t wait to apply for jobs either – do it as soon as you see them appear. Getting in early can make all the difference in some cases.
So do you think you have it in you to be a writer? If you do there is a huge market out there just waiting for you to dive in. Just remember where you came from, and leave me a comment by using the form below before you go and begin your new career!{Article culled from 101tomakemoney.com}

How to Make Money Doing Online Surveys - Get Best Survey Sites

Are you looking for a legitimate way to make money online? Maybe you want some extra spending money. Or perhaps you need the money to pay bills. Either way, getting paid for filling out simple surveys can be a fun and lucrative way to earn that extra cash.
In fact, there’s quite a lot of money to be had — and the cool thing is that you can earn it in your spare time. Any time you can spare a few minutes — or a few hours, you can make money.
It’s easy too. Once you have signed up with the right survey companies, all you have to do is check your email and pick the best surveys, and you’re off to earning money every time you fill in the blanks.
Want to get started making money doing online surveys right away? Visit SurveyMastermind.com and enter your details. (It’s a completely Free service). Then you will start receiving surveys to fill out and start earning money.
And if you’re wondering why anyone would care about your opinion, let alone pay you good money for it, read on. There’s a reason why you can make real money with surveys:
Countless companies, including the largest international corporations, are desperately trying to find out what consumers want. And they’re willing to pay a whole lot of money for market research.
But they still have a problem. How can they connect with you, the consumer? It’s not all that easy, so they hire survey companies to help them find out what people think about their products and what they would be most likely to buy in the future. They also want to know what it will take to get people to buy…
And if you sign up, you’ll become part of that cutting edge market research.
It’s really cool. You may have the chance to find out about new products long before they actually become available in stores. You might get to play video games that haven’t even been released yet. And you might get to watch trailers for movies that haven’t even finished filming yet. And the best part…. you get paid for your “efforts.”
That’s because paying for you to take surveys is the quickest and easiest way for a company to get the information and feedback they need. And believe it or not, even when they pay thousands of people several dollars each for fill it in even one quick survey, it’s cheaper (and more effective) for them than many other forms of market research. And it’s way cheaper than making a costly mistake.
Remember the NEW Coke? What a disaster that was! And it would have been so easy to prevent. All they had to do was ask people what they thought of the idea and they would have known better than to mess with a tried and true formula.
But noooo. The company executives thought they knew what was best — and they fell flat on their face.
So surveys can be essential for a company’s survival. And they know it and are willing to pay for it. So why not let them pay you?
Now you’re probably wondering what it will take to connect with those big companies and get paid for sharing your opinion?
All you have to do is find the right surveys… And the easiest way to do that is to join a club that specializes in helping consumers like you and me to hook up with the surveys that pay the most money.
We have searched the internet and found what we believe to be the best sites for online surveys. Unlike a lot of other survey sites out there, it’s a Free Service. Not only that, but they also specialize in connecting you with surveys that actually pay.
And as soon as you join and sign up with the companies they recommend, you will start receiving surveys to fill out… and start earning.
Want to get started right away? Visit SurveyMastermind.com and enter your details (It’s a Free Service) and you will start receiving surveys to fill out and start earning. Click Here to start now!
Frequently Asked Questions:
Is making money with surveys difficult?
Not at all. You just need to be able to answer a few simple questions and fill in some details, and you’re ready to earn a nice income from taking online surveys and helping companies with their market research.
How do I pick the right survey sites?
Start by joining a survey site that will connect you with the best sites. After all, how much you can earn will depend on which survey sites you sign up for. Some of those sites will pay you money every time you fill out a survey, while others use more of a sweepstakes approach, and offer cash and prize draws to those who fill out their surveys.
The sites that we recommend will help you find surveys that pay real cash for surveys. Many other sites will send you surveys that offer prizes and points, so you need to be careful.
No matter which site you sign up for, though, they ultimately all work the same way. You tell them your basic information and then they start sending you surveys whenever they become available.
How will it work?
First you join the survey site. Then, you’ll get access to a list of pre-screened survey companies which in turn will send you the surveys.
You sign up for several of those companies and fill out your profile with as much information as you can. This will help the site in deciding which surveys to send to whom.
Do all survey companies pay cash?
No they don’t. we will be sure to steer you towards survey companies that have lots of cash-paying surveys and away from those that don’t.
How much can I earn?
The amount you will receive for each survey or market research exercise varies between sites and countries, and it depends on the amount of time each one will take you. One site pays between $4 and $50 which is about average, although most surveys will be at the lower end of the scale. Of course, you can fill in several surveys per hour, so the earnings can add up.
Can I answer the surveys any time I want?
Yes you can. However, you should know that you’re usually competing with other survey takers. Each survey may only need to be answered by a set number of people and they often send it to more than is needed to make sure they get enough replies. The sooner you can complete each one and send it back, the better – and the faster your money will add up too.
Is there anything else I need to know?
Make sure you set up a new email account purely for use with your survey sites. After all, you will be getting lots of emails to plough through, and you don’t want them all going into your normal accounts. That way, you won’t have to sort through them to find your personal email. You also don’t risk missing a potentially lucrative survey in an inbox full of personal email.
How can I get started?
Visit SurveyMastermind.com and enter your details (It’s a Free Service) and you will start receiving surveys to fill out and start earning.
{Article culled from http://www.nerduwrites.com}

Start Your Very Own Free Information Website

There is big money to be made from websites as we have seen, but there is one type of website in particular that is a bit different from the rest. What makes it so interesting is that it actually limits the number of people who can get into it and make use of what it has to offer.
This might sound like a strange way to earn money but in actual fact it is well worth doing if you have a good subject to start from.
Informational membership sites are websites which charge people to gain access to them. Everyone will be able to see the main home page (and sometimes certain other pages as well) but the bulk of the website cannot be seen until each person pays their money to gain access.
The key to designing a membership site that works is to pick your subject carefully. It should be something that you know a lot about, and which other people will also find interesting. More than that however, it should include information that people will be willing to pay for. If the information you include could be found by any other means then your site will not work. What’s more, it could damage your reputation too.
So this obviously calls for some research. You need a subject that will always be popular and has brought in a lot of money for other people already. One of the best examples will be working from home – there are always people wanting to know how they can do this and earn plenty of money without the drudge of going out to work every day.
Let’s that that as an example. The key here is to approach that broad subject from an angle which may not have been done before, and which will form the basis of a membership site which provides people with information they cannot get elsewhere. If you don’t have a specific focus and you don’t have some exclusive information to provide your members with every month, then you don’t have a site. It’s that simple.
As far as the website itself is concerned, you will need to make sure your web host can handle a site in which people can log in and log out of their own accounts as and when they wish. You can set up monthly payment schedules online with certain providers; once you have integrated the relevant payment buttons into your website it should automatically take the payment from the customer every month. To get an idea of how much to charge, the best thing to do is to research similar sites to see what they are offering and how much they are charging for it.
When it comes to designing your website, make sure your home page is welcoming for your members, but also make it enticing enough to encourage more people to join. By doing this – and by driving plenty of traffic to your site – you should soon build up a respectable membership base that will hopefully grow into a nice monthly income for you.
Got some ideas on how to make your own informational membership site work? Leave me a comment below and then start brainstorming! Good luck.

Omena Dollar: How To Unlock your telekinetic Ability

Omena Dollar: How To Unlock your telekinetic Ability: "This piece of writing answers the questions that keep the mind crippled, and unable to influence the outside world. Read this passage, and w..."

How Much does Justin Beiber Spend on His Hair?-Revealed

While most 16 year-old boys are happy to spend their money on computer games and top-shelf magazines, Justin Bieber loves nothing more than to splash his hard earned cash on his appearance - starting with his hair. Justin recently revealed that each time he has his Bieber-barnet trimmed, it sets the singer back a whopping R5,200. What's more, the teenager insists on having his hair cut twice a month, meaning each month he invests R10,400 on hairstyling alone - and we thought R600 highlights were expensive...

Top 100 Funniest Facebook Status Updates

The embarassing truth is that I have actually sat in front of Facebook and spent a good five minutes trying to think of something funny to say..... and then failed miserably, so turned to google for assistance. I also know, through doing so, that some of my friends have done this too. At least it seems that thousands of other people also lack the creativity gene and to make up for my failings, I present to you the 50 funniest Facebook status / status's / statuses / stati....?!? All of these status updates are genuinely real, but for the benefit of this article, my subjects need to have a names, so lets call them Dave and Katie - just to place that little bit of extra emphasis on my complete lack of creativity. It's not really appropriate to give people's real names, but the 'Daves' were male, and the 'Katies' were female.......

The Funny Status Updates......

Dave feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.

Katie used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.

Dave is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube... This could take a while...

Katie dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)

Dave says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Katie is cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd

Dave is wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.

Katie is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

Dave doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.

Katie ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95

Dave is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark

Katie thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"

Dave before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!

Dave Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.

Dave is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.

Katie Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.

Dave is normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Katie is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf's a minute

Dave just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
Kate.... if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF

Dave.... scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today's status.

Kate.... Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday.

Dave... ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington

Kate.... is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself..

Dave.... ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬

Kate.... is going to jail, directly to jail. She is not passing go. She is not collecting $200.

Dave.... Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!

Kate.... Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!

Dave.... Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Kate.... I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

Dave.... Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.

Kate.... 43% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Hell, 72% of people know that!

Dave.... Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.

Kate.... status under construction ██████████████] 99%

Dave.... Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.

Kate.... Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.

Dave.... believes that the problem with being punctual is that there is rarely anyone there to appreciate it.

Kate.... I will find out why the correspondence course on “Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.

Dave.... You know your job is shit when the parking meter outside where you work makes more per hour than you do.

Kate.... ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)
Kate.... I hated it when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said "you are next". They stopped that when I did began to do the same to them after funerals.

Dave.... I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

Kate.... Invented Al Gore

Dave.... ¿ǝʍ ǝɹɐ pǝƃuǝןןɐɥɔ-ǝןƃooƃ ˙˙˙ʇxǝʇ uʍop ǝpısdn ʎq ǝɹɐ ǝןdoǝd pǝssǝɹdɯı ʍoɥ ʎuunɟ s,ʇı sʞuıɥʇ

Kate.... Just bought a new warddrobe from focus, looked at the box and was surprised to find it said " Self Assembly "..... I've been sat here now for three fu*k*ng hours and yet it still hasnt put itself together

Dave.... Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

Kate.... I have a friend whose status says 'suicidal standing on edge of cliff'. I poked him.

Dave.... Is proud of himself, he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

Kate.... ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

Dave.... Does performing oral sex on women provide a good source of Omega3?

Kate.... ̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ this is a stick-up... give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!

Dave.... Isn't going to take life seriously... Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Kate.... a clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

Dave.... Bought a new stick of deodorant today. Instructions said: "Remove cap and push up bottom" ... I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely

Kate.... ⒽⒶⓅⓅⓨ ⓃⒺⓌ ⓎⒺⒶⓇ

Dave.... If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?

Kate.... Is beating her current record for number of consecutive days alive.

Dave.... Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Kate.... ► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.

Dave.... Just changed the name of my iPod to "the titanic" so whenever i plug it in to my computer it says "the titanic is syncing"

Kate.... Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?

Dave.... "Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide."

Kate.... I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status!

Dave.... Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?

Kate.... is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

Dave.... Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set him on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.

Kate.... --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death
Katie would rather check her facebook than face her checkbook.

Dave believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

Katie ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

Dave Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"

Katie is Loading ████████████ 99%

Dave People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

Katie Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

Dave I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.

Katie It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.

Dave How To Be A Hero tip: When destroying the enemy be sure to kill all the criminals in reverse order of importance before confronting the kingpin himself.

Katie went to the book store earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book. When I got there, I couldn't find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.

Dave Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", think of another song you like and hum that instead.

Katie What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.

Dave My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it's going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.

Katie Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.

Dave Hi, my name is Damimeve. The 'mime' is silent.

Katie got her test results back this morning and is shocked to find that she's been diagnosed with OCD. She's rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct.

Dave reckons anti-wrinkle cream doesn't work. If it did, women wouldn't have any fingerprints.

Katie will one day get even... with all the people that have helped her.

Dave Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.

Katie People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.

Dave Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.

Katie Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.

Dave I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.

Katie I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...

Dave I've always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.

Katie TEIAM - problem solved

Dave never questions authority, he annoys authority. More effect, less effort.

Katie never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.

Dave Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"

P.S. If you have funnier Facebook updates, share them with our viewers as comments. Thanks.